OK so I didn’t write them, but the following statements about the bible were supposedly written by children. They have not been re-touched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. Enjoy!
- In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let him self be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
- Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After wards, mosses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
- The first commandments was when eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
- St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others be fore they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone…
- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The epistels were the wives of the a postles.
- One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity; he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
You really lighten up my day GM
Monotony can be very boring!
hahahahahahahahaha, oooh, loving this, still laughng. Always been fascinated by how kids pick things up. The, er, “mistakes”, they make are even more revealing. Wonder what an immaculate contraption looks like???
@Mike – We all need a smile in our days.
@Charmed – I often wondered what an immaculate contraption looked like. I am hoping someone will tell us!
Those “unsympathetic genitals” been causing trouble for thousands of years, huh? LOL
“Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony” – I am saying nothing!!!!!
Very true! 🙄
Ah I love these kiddie quotes 🙂
Priceless! Kids are great!
These things are always worth a read…..how about:
Henry the Eighth had six wives and cardinal Wolse to help him? Circa 1960 I think.
Hey…I’m on time today.
These brought a smile to my face 🙂
A world without smiles, is dull.
‘Magpie – On time and with a story as well 😆
Haha . . Gold! Lot’s wife sounds like a bit of a firebrand!
You can’t beat what kids will come out with can you!
In my line of work I’m fortunate that my ear falls upon junior freudian slips on a regular basis one of my favourites in light of the topic of your post was when a junior infant piped up in the middle of a lesson on the story of Easter bursting out “Pull the other one! You must be joking. Nobody rises from the dead. Nobody!” He was one insistant 5 year old.
Keeping a straight face is often difficult to do 🙂
Welcome Little Miss,
I love your story.