Thursday Special ~ In the beginning ……

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, ‘Try my fresh green salad’. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said ‘I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them’.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said ‘You want fries with that?’ and Man replied, ‘Yes, and super size ’em’. And Satan said, ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ……… and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ………… Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat fois-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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15 thoughts on “Thursday Special ~ In the beginning ……

  1. Can we blame Satan for the HSE as well?

    Harney keeps telling everyone she’s learning from best practice.

    I think you’ve just exposed her source of advice!

  2. I’m always puzzled that when I was a kid I ate vast quantities of everything that’s now thought unhealthy – sugar, fat, salt, chips, cakes, ice cream. But it never did me any harm and the only thing wrong with me today is slightly raised blood pressure. So I do take all these food taboos with a large pinch of (those white grains you shouldn’t eat too much of).

  3. Nick

    In our day we eat whatever was put in front of us, the only problem was getting enough of it! 😆
    My mother was a great believer of a good mixed diet, I go along with that and have no time for fads

  4. That one always makes me chuckle…..

    Someone recently said that we should go back to rationing to improve the health of the nation (I’m talking GB here). Well we were rationed ( I now realise) in the 50s, biooth by the Government and by lack of income (NB not poverty).

    I have a theory that it is sitting about on backsides and a Modern diet in childhood that leads to most ill health! (Oh yes and genetics…just look at Inuit traditional diets)

    Moderation in all things

  5. Magpie with the way prices are soaring we might all end up with enforced rationing!

  6. Darren

    He might be a bit of a devil, but I wouldn’t say he was Satan

  7. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen ………… to that Grannymar!

    …. (to quote an earlier posting from one of these lazy lay about teachers!)

  8. Grannymar,

    I have finally figured out why McDonald’s is called “FAST FOOD”.

    It’s because they want you to eat it really fast. Otherwise you might actually taste it!!!!

  9. Baino ~ There is hope for all of us!

    Paddy ~ Aaaaaaaaaaaa! MEN! I’ll go with that 😉 Rest well and enjoy the four day break.

    Nancy ~ I think you have something there!

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