A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”
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Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the Bus lane?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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I would answer ‘yes’ to the last one!
Grannymar, I have a question for you…
Did your mother not teach you to sit properly with your knees together? š
If Paddy says yes then it must be so!
Steph, did you do everything your mother told you? š
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Swine fever perhaps.
All can say is – Groan!
Had Mary and Joseph found a baby sitter, they would not have lost the twelve year old Jesus.
No clothes in heaven, Grannymar!
Hearses in bus lanes? Sadly not, I did ask the driver on one occasion and he said they were prohibited! (Not a lot of people know that!)
Jo ~ just a little smile…!
Ian ~ Blogging is a great way to learn things! If there are no clothes in heaven I hope they have an iron!
Very good questions, Grannymar. Here are a few more.
How is it we put a man on the Moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If a deaf person swears,does his Mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Here is one for Ian. “Can an Athiest get insurance against Acts of God?”
GM
When my F-I-L died some years ago, we travelled in convoy on the M50 following the hearse to Glasnevin crematorium.
It was hard not to smile as the hearse passed a large flashing sign…
“STAY ALIVE, wear your seat belt”
If a train-station is where a train stops, what happens at a workstation?
Nancy ~ your questions will; keep us busy. I am hoping to get help with the answers.
Steph ~ amazint the things that make us smile when we are trying to be serious.
Chris ~ I know this one…. People surf the net!
Nancy,
I think the atheist count tends to decline when “acts of God” are taking place. It’s like an American soldier once commented about frontline battle, “you don’t find many atheists in foxholes”
Grannymar,
You won’t need the iron. If Hieronymus Bosch vision of the future is right all those youthful looks will be recaptured – whichever way http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/64/Hell1510.jpg you go!
Ian Now I am worried… Jack might be busy when I get there! š
Grannymar,
You have really stirred up the comments with this one.
Ian: I looked up Hieronymous Bosch and I think he must have been smoking those funny cigarettes when he was painting those pictures. Also, you are absolutely on the mark with your athiests in foxholes statement.
Steph: I loved the sign you saw while taking your FIL to his final resting place. I was visiting a friend’s grave recently and saw a young woman with a little boy about 4 years old at another gravesite. They were placing flowers on the grave and the young fellow had a balloon on a stick. he was planting the balloon on the grave. The boy’s mother felt she had to explain the balloon. which she had let the boy pick out himself for his granny’s grave. He chose the one that shouted:
” Best Wishes in Your New Home”
Nancy
Out of the mouth of babes… The balloon is great.
Nancy – that’s an excellent story! š
When my Mum’s twin sister died, I drove my elderly parents to the funeral service in Norn Ireland. My Mum suffers from dementia and on the way home after the burial, she suddenly announced “I think my sister will be very tired after all that today – I hope she puts her feet up and has a good rest tonight”
What could you say? š
GM – I’m an absolute terror for getting a fit of the giggles when in awkward situations. I suspect you and I would be guaranteed trouble! š
Steph I think we were sisters in another life!
GM – I promise I won’t tell your secrets if you don’t tell mine! š
Steph,
I really chuckled at your Mom’s remark after the funeral.
Years ago the custom for funerals in our crowded city was to have the viewing in the person’s home . The deceased was on display in the living room and all the family sat in chairs and greeted the friends and neighbors as they came in. My SIL Tessie’s Mom had her friend Prudie die and she wanted to see what time the viewing started so she called the house of the dead friend and asked,”Is Prudie there?” Her son replied.”Well,yeah, she’s here but she can’t come to the phone right now.”
Two years later, Tessie’s Mom died and in the middle of her viewing the telephone rang and Tessie didn’t hesitate a second before saying.”That’s probably Prudie calling.”
Nancy
The balloon story brought on a fit of asthma – I must get it into our parish magazine!
Nancy/Ian – Grannymar must have gone to bed so we might as well just carry on. She’ll never know! š
Funnily enough, when that aunt of mine died (in 2003) she was laid out in her front room in an open coffin. I’d never been to a traditional wake before and I found it absolutely fascinating. My aunt was a very popular woman in her community – she gave free art classes in her own home for many of the local children – and it was lovely to see her coffin surrounded by paintings done specially for her by all the children. She was a real free spirit and I adored her. Her funeral service was conducted (at her request) by a Protestant minister with an accompanying R.C.organist – she was still breaking down barriers in society right to the very end.
Goodnight, Steph. Turn the lights out, Ian…….
I think the cured ham was morbidly obese.
With the wind howling and the rain beating against the windows last night my bed beckoned and I gave in to the temptation. Apologies all.