Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.
The only reason you’re still awake at 2 a.m. is indigestion.
People ask you what colour your hair used to be.
You enjoy watching the news.
You have a dream about prunes.
You have more than 2 pair of glasses.
You read the obituaries daily.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.