Thursday Special – IF MY BODY WERE A CAR


If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull … but that’s not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it —

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter…..either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

8 thoughts on “Thursday Special – IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

  1. Hilarious! 😀

    Never mind the bodywork, it’s what’s on the inside that counts!

    You obviously need a [Toyboy] mechanic to rev up that engine of yours! 😉

  2. Dorothy – if my body was a car, it would have been sent to the scrap heap years ago. I think they broke the mould after they made me 😉

  3. Sorry girls, I had a busy morning interviewing prospective Toyboy Chauffeurs. Now I need to lie down in a darkened room for a while and think about them!

  4. That’s the part about aging that I like to call a symphony of sound, GM, when every orifice has its own voice and likes to be heard, seen or smelt.

  5. My name is Linda S Amstutz and I am the author of the essay, IF MY BODY WERE A CAR. You can view my copyright at Publishing my essay without permission is copyright infringement and a federal offense.

    If wish to continue using my essay on your blog, please add this under the title, “c2003 Linda S Amstutz. If you enjoyed this essay, you might enjoy more humor by Ms Amstutz at her blog”

    If you do not wish to add my byline and url to my blog, then please remove my essay from your blog.

    Thank you. Linda S Amstutz

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