Where to get more for your $

Flights are full to overflowing from Ireland with groups of women heading across the pond to the place so wonderful that they named it twice! Yes it is good old New York. New York! They, whoever ‘they’ are, say it is all to do with the exchange rate for the $ at the moment.

Well now I am beginning to wonder because…..

Word has reached me that a shop that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband!

Please cover Elly’s eyes because I am wondering…..do you know if there are any flights available tomorrow?

Among the instructions at the entrance to the store is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
“That’s nice”, she thinks, “but I want more.”
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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21 thoughts on “Where to get more for your $

  1. Oops! Nonny’s secret is out of the bag!

    Grannymar, don’t lose hope – the Toyboys are on the Lower Ground Floor 😀

    btw Does this shop do trade-ins? 😉

  2. Steph, we will have to ask Nancy about that. She lives in America and might run over and find out for us!

  3. Grannymar,

    The answer for those looking for new husbands is to start a chain, like those seeking a new vicar. Just substitute ‘husband’ for vicar and ‘wife’ for ‘churchwarden or church:

    “If you are unhappy with your vicar, simply have your church-warden send a copy of this letter to six other churches who are also tired of their vicar. Then bundle up your vicar and send him to the church on the top of the list in the letter. Within a week you will receive 16,435 vicars and one of them should be all right! Have faith in this chain letter for vicars. Do not break the chain. One church did and got their old vicar back! (from a Salisbury Theological College leaflet)”

  4. Ian I love it! Thankfully when I was churchwarden we had no need of a chain like this.

    BAINO!

    Baino where are you when I need you? I am sending this chain to you so pass it on quick, fast!

  5. Yes, Grannymar, I did run over to New York and look into that New Husbands Store for you.

    I have news!

    In order to avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner has opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives who love sex.

    The second floor has wives who love sex and have money.

    The third, fourth and fifth floors have never been visited……

  6. Brilliant Nancy!

    Grannymar – Poor Baino is asleep and I guess knackered after her w/e with the outlaws. She has to clip her nails as well as wear the colander while knocking back the bubbly 😛

  7. Grannymar – I hate to say it but you’ve a bit of a problem with this EXCHANGE chain thingy. I’d be very happy to lend you my man to bundle up but I’d like him back when you’re finished please. He’s got lots of washing-up to do 😉

  8. Aw fair suck of the sav girls! I’m in the land of nod while you’re scrapping over toy boys! GrannyMar at our age, we need to try speed dating not snail mail! Maybe a Vicar would be alright – they have flexible hours, have to be nice all the time, generally well educated, clean cut, free house . . . . although I doubt I’m the model Vicar’s wife! I’m not sure my colander would pass for Sunday best and maybe I’m a little too partial to communion wine!

  9. Baino I am having wheels fitted to my Zimmer for the speed dating!

    A Vicar’s wife – I suppose while he’s preaching I could sit in the choir and eye up the toy boys!!!

  10. Steph, I have remembered the Golden Rule of the Rectory.
    Anything you do needs a committee.
    Do you fancy helping me?

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