John passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing this letter to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mum.
I’ve been finding real passion with Elaine and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos,
her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
Elaine says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a
caravan in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many children.
Elaine has opened my eyes to the fact that cannabis doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Elaine can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 16 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than failing the GCSE examination. I love you!
Phone Tommy’s house when it is safe for me to come home!